How To Win An Argument, Every Time

I have found the best way to win an argument every single time is not to engage.

What! Not engage! Are you serious!

Yes, you read that right. Okay I know it sounds counterintuitive, but let’s examine what really goes on in an argument.

When you look at something, you see it from your own personal perspective. No one else on earth has the same blend of experiences, points of reference, motivation and preferences. As such everything you see, hear, smell or feel is processed in a unique, personalized way.

Unwittingly, this characteristic of every human being is overlooked when a point of contention arises.

We often become critical of others when they don’t see or understand things the way we do, so we proceed to “Educate” others on why we are right and they are stupid.

Notice I didn’t say “Wrong”.

Judgment and degradation of positions that do not harmonize or agree with ours ensue.

If you are successful in convincing your opponent that you are right, you lost.

Why? You have shamed him, embarrassed him, humiliated him. Do you really believe such an individual will have goodwill toward you after that?

If you are not successful in browbeating your opponent to acknowledge your superior intellect, you’ve lost again.

Why? You have demonstrated your inability to reason, listen, sympathize, be broad-minded and have shown yourself to be self-centered and egotistical.

I’m not accusing or judging anyone here, just pointing out how your “Opponent” will view you during and after the argument.

The reality is both positions have merit. The problem is, more often than not we fail to respect the fact other conclusions can be drawn from the same evidence because our unique personalities process information differently.

To illustrate, hold a coin in front of you and describe what you see. Just look at one side only. Now, without turning it around, have someone across from you describe what they see.

Both of you described the same coin however, neither of you agreed as to what image or details were seen.

You were both right, but from the other persons point of view, you are both wrong.

When we approach a contentious issue humbly and with the realization we may not have all the facts at our disposal, we become flexible and our ability to harmonize with others is greatly enhanced.

Is it easy to be so sure you are 100% right yet, be willing to modify or completely change your position when additional facts have come to light?

Yes, but only if you have not revealed to anyone what you believed before hand.

Our self-image and egos are fragile things, and we will defend these to the death.

Going forward, as you realize these things when you are dealing with others, may you exercise wisdom and respect those with differing opinions are not necessarily wrong, just they have seen things from a different point of view.

Harmony is Divine.

May you look to the good in others always.


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